Montgomery College Library Short Stories The Cop and the Anthem by O Henry On his bench in Madison Square Soapy moved uneasily When wild geese honk high of nights and when women without sealskin coats grow kind to their husbands and when Soapy moves uneasily on his bench in the park you may know that winter is near at hand A dead leaf fell in Soapys lap That was Jack Frosts card Jack is kind to the regular denizens of Madison Square and gives fair warning of his annual call At the corners of four streets he hands his pasteboard to the North Wind footman of the mansion of All Outdoors so that the inhabitants thereof may make ready Soapys mind became cognizant of the fact that the time had come for him to resolve himself info a singular Committee of Ways and Means to provide against the coming rigor And therefore he moved uneasily on his bench The hibernatorial ambitions of Soapy were not of the highest In them were no considerations of Mediterranean cruises of soporific Southern skies or drifting in the Vesuvian Bay Three months on the Island was what his soul craved Three months of assured board and bed and congenial company safe from Boreas and blue Coats seemed to Soapy the essence of things desirable For years the hospitab1e Blackwells had been his winter quarters Just as his more fortunate fellow New Yorkers had bought their tickets to Palm Beach and the Riviera each winter so Soapy had made his humble arrangements for his annual hegira to the PAGE 26 Island And now the time was come On the previous night three Sabbath newspapers distributed beneath his coat about his ankles and over his lap had failed to repulse the cold as he slept on his bench near the spurring fountain in the ancient square So the Island loomed big and timely in Soapys mind He scorned the provisions made in the name of charity for the citys dependents In Soapys opinion the Law was more benign than Philanthropy There was an endless round of institutions municipal and eleemosynary on which he might set out and receive lodging and food accordant with the simple life But to one of Soapys proud spirit the gifts of charity are encumbered If not in coin you must pay in humiliation of spirit for every benefit received at the hands of philanthropy As Caesar had his Brutus every bed of charity must have its toll of a bath every loaf of bread its compensation of a private and personal inquisition Wherefore it is better to be a guest of the law which though conducted by rules does not meddle unduly with a gentlemans private affairs I Soapy having decided to go to the Island at once set about accomplishing his desire There were many easy ways of doing this The pleasantest was to dine luxuriously at some expensive restaurant and then after declaring Insolvency be handed over quietly and without uproar to a policeman An accommodating magistrate would do the rest Soapy left his bench and strolled out of the square and across the level sea of asphalt where Broadway and Fifth Avenue flow together Up Broadway he turned and halted at a glittering cafe where are gathered together nightly the choicest products of the grape the silkworm and the protoplasm Soapy had confidence in himself from the lowest button of his vest upward He was shaven and his coat was decent and his neat black ready tied four in hand had been presented to him by a lady missionary on Thanksgiving Day If he could reach a table in the restaurant unsuspected success would be his The portion of him that would show above the table would raise no doubt in the waiters mind A roasted mallard duck thought Soapy would PAGE 27 be about the thing&emdash with a bottle of Chablis and then Camembert a demitasse and a cigar One dollar for the cigar would be enough The total would not be so high as to call forth any supreme manifestation of revenge from the cafe management and yet the meat would leave him filled and happy for the journey to his winter refuge But as Soapy set foot in side the restaurant door the head waiters eye fell upon his frayed trousers and decadent shoes Strong and ready hands turned him about and conveyed him in silence and haste to the sidewalk and averted the ignoble fate of the menaced mallard Soapy turned off Broadway It seemed that his route to the coveted Island was not to be an epicurean one Some other way of entering limbo must be thought of At a corner of Sixth Avenue electric lights and cunningly displayed wares behind plateglass made a shop window conspicuous Soapy took a cobblestone and dashed it through the glass People came running around the corner a policeman in the lead Soapy stood still with his hands in his pockets arid smiled at the sight of brass buttons Wheres the man that done that inquired the officer excitedly Dont you figure out that I might have had something to do with it said Soapy not without sarcasm but friendly as one greets good fortune The policemans mind refused to accept Soapy even as a clue Men who smash windows do not remain to parley with the laws minions They take to their heels The policeman saw a man halfway down the block running to catch a cat With drawn club he joined in the pursuit Soapy with disgust in his heart loafed along twice unsuccessful On the opposite side of the street was a restaurant Of no great pretensions It catered to large appetites and modest purses Its crockery and atmosphere were thick its soup and napery thin Into this place Soapy took his accusive shoes and telltale trousers PAGE 28 without challenge At a table he sat and consumed beefsteak flapjacks doughnuts and pie And then to the waiter he betrayed the fact that the minutest coin and himself were strangers Now get busy and call a cop said Soapy And dont keep a gentleman waiting No cop for youse said the waiter with a voice like butter cakes and an eye like the cherry in a Manhattan cocktail Hey Con Neatly upon his left ear on the callous pavement two waiters pitched Soapy He arose joint by joint as a carpenters rule opens and beat the lust from his clothes Arrest seemed but a rosy dream The Island seemed very far away A policeman who stood before a drug store two doors away laughed and walked down the street Five blocks Soapy travelled before his courage permitted him to woo capture again This time the opportunity presented what he fatuously termed to himself a cinch A young woman of a modest and pleasing guise was standing before a show window gazing with sprightly interest at its display of shaving mugs and inkstands and two yards from the window a large policeman of severe demeanor leaned against a water plug It was Soapys design to assume the role of the despicable and execrated masher The refined and elegant appearance of his victim and the contiguity of the conscientious cop encouraged him to believe that he would soon feel the pleasant official clutch upon his arm that would insure his winter quarters on the right little tight little isle Soapy straightened the lady missionarys ready made tie dragged his shrinking cuffs into the open set his hat at a killing cant and sidled toward the young woman He made eyes at her was taken with sudden coughs and hems smiled smirked and went brazenly through the impudent and contemptible litany of the masher With half an eye Soapy saw that the policeman was watching him fixedly The young woman moved away a few steps and again bestowed her absorbed attention upon the shaving PAGE 29 mugs Soapy followed boldly stepping to her side raised his hat and said Ah there Bedelia Dont you want to come and play in my yard The policeman was still looking The persecuted young woman had but to beckon a finger and Soapy would be practically en route for his insular haven Already be imagined he could feel tile cozy warmth of the station house The young woman faced him and stretching out a hand caught Soapys Coat sleeve Sure Mike she Said joyfully if youll blow me to a pail of suds Id have spoke to you sooner but the cop was watching With the young woman playing the clinging ivy to his oak Soapy walked past the policeman overcome with gloom He seemed doomed to liberty At the next corner he shook off his companion and ran He halted in the district where by night are found the lightest streets hearts vows and librettos Women in furs and men in greatcoats moved gaily in the wintry air A sudden fear seized Soapy that some dreadful enchantment had rendered him immune to arrest The thought brought a little of panic upon it and when he came upon another policeman lounging grandly in front of a transplendent theatre he caught at the immediate straw of disorderly conduct On the sidewalk Soapy began to yell drunken gibberish at the top of his harsh voice He danced howled raved and otherwise disturbed the welkin The policeman twirled his club turned his back to Soapy and remarked to a citizen Tis one of them Yale lads celebratin the goose egg they give to the Hartford College Noisy but no harm Weve instructions to lave them be Disconsolate Soapy ceased his unavailing racket Would never a policeman lay hands on him In his fancy the Island seemed an unattainable Arcadia He buttoned his thin coat against the chilling wind PAGE 30 In a cigar store he saw a well dressed man ]lighting a cigar at a swinging light His silk umbrella he had set by the door on entering Soapy stepped inside secured the umbrella and sauntered off with it slowly The man at the cigar light followed hastily My umbrella he said sternly Oh is it sneered Soapy adding insult to petit larceny Well why dont you call a policeman I took it Your umbrella Why dont you call a cop There stands one on the corner The umbrella owner slowed his steps Soapy did likewise with a presentiment that luck would again run against him The policeman looked at the two curiously Of course said the umbrella man&emdash that is&emdash well you know how these mistakes occur&emdash I&emdash if its your umbrella I hope youll excuse me&emdash I picked it up this morning in a restaurant&emdash If you recognize it as yours why&emdash I hope youll Of course its mine said Soapy viciously The ex umbrella man retreated The policeman hurried to assist a tall blonde in an opera cloak across the street in front of a street car that was approaching two blocks away Soapy walked eastward through a street damaged by improvements He hurled the umbrella wrathfully into an excavation He muttered against the men who wear helmets and carry clubs Because he wanted to fall into their clutches they seemed to regard him as a king who could do no wrong At length Soapy reached one of the avenues to the east where the glitter and turmoil was but faint He set his face down this toward Madison Square for the homing instinct survives even when the home is a park bench But on an unusually quiet corner Soapy came to a standstill Here was an old church quaint and rambling and gabled Through one violet stained window a soft light glowed where no doubt the organist loitered over the keys making sure of his mastery of the coming Sabbath anthem For there drifted out to Soapys ears sweet music that caught and held him transfixed against the convolutions of the iron fence PAGE 31 The moon was above lustrous and serene vehicles and pedestrians were few sparrows twittered sleepily in the eaves&emdash for a little while the scene might have been a country churchyard And the anthem that the organist played cemented Soapy to the iron fence for he had known it well in the days when his life contained such things as mothers and roses and ambitions and friends and immaculate thoughts and collars The conjunction of Soapys receptive state of mind and the influences about the old church wrought a sudden and wonderful change in his soul He viewed with swift horror the pit into which he had tumbled the degraded days unworthy desires dead hopes wrecked faculties and base motives that made up his existence And also in a moment his heart responded thrillingly to this novel mood An instantaneous and strong impulse moved him to battle with his desperate fate He would pull himself out of the mire he would make a man of himself again he would conquer the evil that had taken possession of him There was time he was comparatively young yet he would resurrect his old eager ambitions and pursue them without faltering Those solemn but sweet organ notes had set up a revolution in him Tomorrow he would go into the roaring downtown district and find work A fur importer had once offered him a place as driver He would find him to morrow and ask for the position He would be somebody in the world He would Soapy felt a hand laid on his arm He looked quickly around into the broad face of a policeman What are you doin here asked the officer Nothin said Soapy Then come along said the policeman Three months on the Island said the Magistrate in the Police Court the next morning The End of the story The Cop and the Anthem Throughout this story page numbers precede the page and page references are to the following work Henry O Tales of O Henry New York Doubleday & Co 1969